Yes, it has been too long. Yes, Harry Potter did not die of a sexually transmitted disease. Again yes, the war on pollen is still going on. However, this does not mean that i won't be coming in loud or i won't be coming in clear. Oh and yes, i still get massive erections due to poor grammar skills, so lets do it.
Perhaps the biggest problem with dealing drugs is the metric system. I have no idea how much a "kilo" is. I also refuse to recognize that a meter can be used to measure distance, or quantifies as anything other than a five-letter derogatory word. The last time someone told me that the courthouse was sixty meters to my left i promptly kicked her in the face with my foot. This did not go over well considering "her" was a police officer and i was late for my meeting. To further clarify my last sentence, i must admit that my "meeting" was actually a "trial," and the reason she was using meters was because this "trial" took place in The Haag. Furthermore, this did not help my case being that i was on trial for War Crimes. I was in quite the pickle for a while, but after a heated courtroom exchange and some tricky maneuvering, i was able to get an advantage. After some clutch free-throw shooting on my part, U2 dropped the charges. The lesson to take away: Bono is a world-class musician, but a horrible defender.
So the five keys to life i would like to leave you with are...
5) Start a social movement to end all usage of the metric system
4) Dealing Drugs can lead you to meet modern day legends (Hi N.S.A. While you were data harvesting the blogosphere, you thought you caught me selling drugs. However, everything written in this is pure fabrication--i promise. So please, do not disappear me, Lost is only in season 4).
3) Just stay away from The Haag.
2) Do not become an international war criminal unless you...
1) Out rebound your opponent by 5 and make your free-throws (I'm looking at you Vinn
Baker)
-J.A.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment