Your mother lost her mental virginity to Danny De Vito

So, of the films I mentioned, I feel competent to review the following:

The Condemned: An acceptable media commentary in the form of a "The Greatest Game"-style scenario. The upshot: the way things are going, we'll kill people for entertainment soon. I saw it a long time ago and was struck by the folly of putting two non-actors like Stone Cold Austin and Vinnie Jones in the starring roles. Okay island sets. Best Actor nominee: Rick Hoffman, the only one who gives a performance as a human character.

Idiocracy: Lauded, a little, for its ballsy use of well-known brands without their consent. You could say it is a biting social commentary about the way our society is going, since it depicts a future in which everyone is a complete idiot. You could also say it is not terribly smart or compelling. You could also point out the fact that Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph have so little chemistry that Mike Judge appears to have despaired of even having them come into physical contact. Or that it's just not too funny. Best Actor nominee: Scarface is not an actor, he is a third-rate rapper, but he's reasonably funny here.

Melinda and Melinda: A Woody Allen-directed meditation on the difference between tragedy and comedy. It's essentially two different movies. The tragedy reminded me of Match Point, the comedy of Hollywood Ending, those being the only other Woody Allen films I can remember seeing. Thing about it was, the acting was almost uniformly awful. Chiwetel Ejiofor was the only one in the entire thing with believable delivery. I liked the concept though. It was rarely laugh-out-loud funny, but often amusing and Will Ferrell's performance got better when he was allowed to improvise. Best Actor nominee: Chiwetel Ejiofor is an excellent actor and definitely the pick from a bad bunch.

National Lampoon's Pledge This!: The worst movie I have ever seen. They just gave up on making it halfway through the script, or that's what it felt like. The ending, though, somehow managed to let the entire production down. In the end, even its star, Paris Hilton, refused to attend the premier. Best actor nominee: Kerri Kenney didn't give a believable performance, but she was the only one who came across as though she had heard of "wit."

National Lampoon's Pucked: After seeing Pledge This!, I was pleasantly surprised by Pucked. It was still terrible, but the acting was decent and the plot was stupid but cogent. Also relatively smut-free for something under the National Lampoon banner. Best actor nominee: Bon Jovi was actually not terrible and managed to be charismatic.

Oh in Ohio: A film about a woman's quest for the orgasm. It didn't work for me because Paul Rudd was far more charismatic than Parker Posey, the actress who played the main character. She came across as insincere, but it was a difficult role. Somewhat off, which probably accounts for its lack of success and acclaim. Best actor nominee: Danny De Vito can be amazingly likable and he was in Oh as the man who finally gives Posey's Priscilla what she's looking for.

As an added bonus:

Southland Tales: is a jumbled mess of a film, too complex and slippery to give a viewer any hope of unraveling it, not helped by the fact that the entire first half the movie can only be explained if you've read the three graphic novels that have been published alongside it (and maybe not even then). It is weirdly ambiguous and tediously long and not helped by the music video for "All these Things that I've Done" by the Killers featuring Justin Timberlake. A "smart" film made by stupid people. The Rock gives an especially pungent performance, although my friend Edwin thinks it may have been intentionally bad. Best actor nominee: Amy Poehler is an excellent improviser and, under such an oppressively terrible script, driving an improvisational wedge in is the best anyone can do.