Graphic Accounts of Dates With Your Mother

There is no need to title this post. You see, the greatness of this text will elevate the reader to something beyond the metaphysical realm. So let the heavenly prose steer you through that failing vixen, that pompous heifer, that audible mime otherwise known as life.

You may wonder what qualifications i have to make such boastful claims, so let me serve it to you on a deep-fried platter with honey on top. I survived my first(known) trip to the ghetto. Yes i was a tweed-bit anxious, yes i was slightly on-my-guard, and yes i was poked by a crack/meth/insert other drug here/ head, but i survived because i could not let Eleanor, "go it alone." Although he may be the closest thing we here at Graphic Accounts of Dates With Your Mother have to a Luke Skywalker, he still hasn't accepted the force as a "real" phenomena, mostly because he isn't clinically insane. Also, neither of us have seen a real live wookie (unless we count your mom! hoo-ha!) As to where we have seen a dead wookie, lets just say the previous statement holds true, the only change being there was an enormous train involved between the before and after process. Oh, and if the above paragraph were to become more accurate, you might change "tweed-bit anxious" to "nauseated with fear," "slightly on-my-guard" to "ready to run to a secluded undisclosed point in the upper northeastern part of the united states(Maine)," and "poked" to "poked." Weird.

So what about this elevates you to a higher plane, puts you in the 14th dimension, allows you to travel around the world in 80 days. Oh, and it isn't a hot air balloon and a can-do attitude. Also, star wars may be bullshit in theory and on paper, but practically, its golden. That was here, but not there, there being cloud-10.

So does this float you on up to cloud-10?
No, but the 4:51 spot gives me great joy.

Does this?. Could be, but probably not if you are (not) a rational human being. Oh, and on GAoDWYM we use double -'s, Deal with it. Oh and i also just used a - to represent the word, Negative. If you didn't understand please go do something with your life.

This is kinda just sad, so no.

So i guess the answer is none of the above, don't you hate it when that is the answer to a multiple choice question? So hopefully you are not telling me to go to hell for wasting your precious time. But do you know who is?



-Jake