I Fathered You with a Fictional Character. Your Move, Darth I-Thought-I-Was-Clever.

I am sorry we got into this argument, but it is true. Between harassing J.K., coming to terms with Pumas, and warding off phantom skeleton daemons, I did pursue your mother. In fact, I hit it. Twice.

However, what the previous paragraph does not do is help explain who your mother is/was. It all started when...

I still remember the day. The candles were lit on the cake, and a gentle breeze caressed my chin. I had made my wish--no I won't tell you--and then I closed my eyes and blew out the candles. When I opened my eyes again, I saw her. She had just gotten off the u-haul and was preparing to start the move into her new, beautiful brown house. She had brown eyes. The color of muddy-water drizzled with puke and seasoned with feces. Actually, her eyes were a major turn off. I never let her look at me. But her body was perfect, full of curves and crevices I wanted to delve deeply into to mine for the purest Mithril! She turned and looked at me (I soon informed her never to do so again) and I quivered. We clearly were destined to be together--besides the puke-brown eyes. For fucks sake women, get some contacts! Anyway, we survived through famine and bountiful harvests, through sunrises and moonsets (TM E & J 2008), and through the most epic bout of collective diarrhea I have ever witnessed. How I cherished her wholly--except the eyes--until the Pumas came. I still lament her to this day. She was perfect for me, although she was twice, if not thrice, my age at our first meeting.

I'll never forget my 10th birthday...









-J.A.