Once your mother and I met Bono.

Last week I got Google advertising for this blog. Yes, I am selling out. I am a shameless whore and should probably be arrested for prostitution. In fact, this entire blog thing was just a thinly veiled attempt by me to get free lodgings via the court system. I am hoping to be arrested and tried within the week, hopefully for something that will set me up with free room and board for at least fifteen years, although I guess the point is just getting there. Then I can kill a man on the inside and get set up forever.

But anyway, until my trial, I may pass some time being fascinated by what the ad ticker on the side of the page thinks our readers will want. Harry Potter is a regular reader of this blog (he soaks up all information available about his late mother), and he may be the only one, so we can learn a lot about what he's into by looking at the side of this page.

One of them is for chocolate. Once I saw a toy dog in a store that moaned "I looooooooove chocolate" when squeezed. I have never personally met Harry Potter, as far as I know, so I can only assume that was him. To say that JK Rowling, Potter's biographer, is bad at describing her subjects is a massive understatement. Journalistically, her ethics are nothing short of scandalous. She never mentioned the fact that Harry Potter is significantly shorter than a normal person, or that he, apparently, has no bones (!!!). She did not report on his lisp or extremely poor vocabulary. And the report that he wears clothes and glasses is, on this evidence, completely false.

There are only two explanations for this: 1.) Ms. Rowling has extremely bad eyesight; 2.) she is hideously incompetent; and 3.) she is part of his "wizarding" agenda. I personally feel it's the latter. I have heard that Voldemort is a very nice man and people have told me some very disgusting things about owl-owners. And she has even bamboozled unfortunate filmmakers such as Chris Columbus and Alfie Cuaron into compromising their credibility by making biopics based on her work.

So to Ms. Rowling, I have this to say: Fuck you. Take your ethical ambiguities elsewhere and stop disparaging Voldemort's name. I wonder what other inaccuracies are built into her work. Based on this evidence, I can only assume that Dumbledore looks like this:


-eleanor