An Explicit Enlightenment of a Rendezvous with your Father

You thought June 17th was a day to appreciate your father for all the sweat, hard work, and elbow grease he has put into your life--I am about to change that.

Rapidly.

Lets just say that one time when you were five years old and your father was supposed to be outside hanging the wash, and you decided to sneak into his room for whatever reason your five year-old brain wanted to (heroin, baseball cards, full-size billboards), that thing you saw wasn't an armadillo, and the person in the bed was not your mother. Oh, however, he was quite literally "hanging the wash."

I have no idea what "hanging the wash" literally means. One can only assume he was helping your mother with a mundane household chore. What a great guy!

So that explains why your dear old dad cries while watching movies like The Last Kiss, and enjoys musicians like Elliot Smith. Hint: he's gay.

And prose like this is probably why my father is severely ashamed of me. That and the fact that I look up pictures like this:

-Jake