I wondered whether I should call your mother that morning and wouldn't have if I hadn't realized I left my heart medicine with her

Heart disease is a serious issue that I wouldn't even think about making light of. Not only would I not entertain the idea, I would pay someone to find out when it was coming to town and schedule my vacations accordingly. And I'll tell you why--heart disease is so easy to make fun of that I would actually have to install new, lower gears in my ridicule transmission to accommodate it. But seriously, heart disease sufferers are really terrible at working the stock market and ugly to boot.

See, the thing of it is that I would go to any lengths to avoid getting around to what I feel duty-bound to write about--the theme for "Graphic Accounts of Dates with your Mother." Maybe the idea that I'm even asking this puzzles you. Perhaps you will say that you weren't even aware that it (they?) had a theme. After all, none of the topics we have covered so far seem even remotely connected. I mean, except that the one about the Eagles was immediately followed by one about shit. That wasn't a coincidence. But we don't want to keep writing along that vein.

Or maybe what you thought was that the theme, such as it was, was in the title. You would be wrong again. The title is just an attention-grabbing ploy and a disguise for the lack of pithiness that makes it difficult for Jake and I to write headlines. I mean, if you really want to hear about what I did with your mother, you should consult the police report. And it was worse than that makes it sound, if you wondered.

So what do I mean? I mean that we fully plan on having a theme that unifies all of our blogs. It will be great and you will enjoy it (there I go making bombastic promises). But I'd just make fun of people with heart disease rather than devote any serious thought to it. Another thing I would rather do is:

-Eleanor