I knew i had seen your mother somewhere else. Turns out it was in my wet-dream about sasquatch.

So i think our relationship is strong enough to tell you that i dabble in Cryptozoology, which is the study of "hidden animals." Yes i know i did not give credit to where i found that definition. If you can find it, then you spend far too much time on wiki-oops, i've said too much. I lied, its cryptozoology.com.

"Where is this post going?" I think the question you mean to ask is, "did you actually have a wet dream about bigfoot?" I think the last word in that sentence all to clearly explains my plight. So clearly my plight is that i have too many E-lektrolyts. It ebonics, don't worry about it, i picked it up off a guy.

"Are you drunk?" Let me respond to the next obvious question with an equally obvious question, "Is the pope catholic?" Yes, but i'm not intoxicated, just inebriated.

I i think the most annoying question in the world besides, "Is that a beached killer whale or am i just looking at Rosie O'donell?" is "If a tree falls in the forest does it make a noise?" The answer is yes, because i chopped it down on all the people who have ever phrased that question to me, and their blood-curdling screams of "no" are only comparable to when the audience at an Eagles concert is asked for an encore.

And that is true terror.
But you know what isn't...



-J.A.